The Hibernating Relationship by Jonathan Sonnenblick

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AESTHETICS

Relationships can't hibernate like a bear can or you will end up with a disconnected relationship

Amid the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, we often mistakenly assume that we can hibernate our relationships, just like we store up sleep. Many of us think that taking a vacation or spending time apart won't harm the bond we share with our partner. We've seen couples disappear into their separate worlds for months, only to reemerge seemingly unscathed. But is this truly a sustainable approach to relationships?

Just as you can't stockpile sleep indefinitely, you can't indefinitely stockpile the emotional and relational connection that fuels a healthy partnership. Sure, you might manage to store up a few hours of sleep to pull an all-nighter or two, but it's not a long-term solution. Similarly, while some couples may find it manageable to experience a brief period of reduced connection, believing that you can put your relationship on pause for an extended period is a mistake that can lead to trouble down the road.

Every couple is unique, and there's no one-size-fits-all answer to the question of how long you can go without minimal connection. It depends on your individual needs, the dynamics of your relationship, and the circumstances you're facing. However, it's crucial to establish a realistic timeframe and make a conscious effort to reconnect within that window. Failing to do so can result in your relationship withering away, much like a plant deprived of water and sunlight.

So, how do you avoid the mistaken notion of relationship hibernation? Here are some key steps to consider:

  1. Open Communication: Discuss your needs and expectations with your partner. Be honest about how much time apart or with reduced connection you both can comfortably tolerate.
  2. Schedule Regular Check-Ins: Even if life gets busy, commit to checking in with each other regularly. These check-ins can take the form of heartfelt conversations over dinner or brief text messages during the day.
  3. Prioritize Quality Time: When you do connect, make it count. Quality time often holds more value than quantity. Focus on meaningful interactions and shared experiences.
  4. Flexibility: Stay open to adjusting your connection time frame based on changing circumstances. Life can be unpredictable, and sometimes you'll need to adapt your plans.
  5. Seek Professional Help: If you find that your relationship has already suffered due to prolonged disconnection, don't hesitate to seek the guidance of a relationship therapist. They can assist you in navigating the path toward reconnection.

In the end, it's essential to remember that while it's okay to take short breaks or create some distance in your relationship for personal growth or to manage life's demands, there is a limit to how long you can hibernate without risking harm to the connection you cherish. By being aware of this limitation and taking proactive steps to maintain your bond, you can ensure that your relationship remains vibrant and resilient, even in the face of life's challenges.